Hopelessness.
Abandon.
Heartbreak.
A child without refuge
quickly learns
that their survival is dependent
on the aid of others.
But, the knowledge
of the repercussions
that aid results in
prevents the child from speaking out.
Speaking openly of the horror movie
slowly playing itself out
behind closed doors
seems to open a hidden trap door.
A child without refuge
learns that perfecting the lie
of the life of not making trouble
and staying quiet
is safest.
Lock your chest,
don’t let them see
you move a muscle
for fear of being found out.
Lock your jaw.
Don’t let them see
the nervous bob of your throat
as you swallow
the bile rising
and burning your VOICE.
Lie.
Suppress.
Fake a smile.
Fake a better smile.
You are not convincing anyone.
Look in the mirror.
Wipe your tears.
Smile.
Smile.
Smile.
tell them that everything is fine.
Tell them that your family loves you.
Now believe it this time.
Believe.
Believe.
Believe.
Take a deep breath.
Close your eyes.
Allow your body to relax into the lie.
Your family loves you.
mommy just gets migraines sometimes.
and daddy,
well, daddy needs to drink
8 beers a night
to relax himself into slumber.
Take another deep breath.
Open your eyes.
Smile.
Fall.
The trap door falls open
beneath your feet,
swallowing you whole
into The black abyss.
Cuts and scrapes and bruises befall unblemished skin.
Tearing further and further
as the rocky fall
descends into a sharper,
more painful black void.
The blue sky above,
dotted with fluffy clouds
perfect for perching,
grows smaller
and smaller
with each breath.
Deep breaths.
Trust the process.
Trust that the pain
is there to help you.
Trust that the blood
trickling from
your hands,
your arms,
your nose
are the pathways you need to follow.
Trust the sharp blade of rock
spearing your heart.
Betrayal.
Shallow gasps.
Smile.
Cue the slow zoom-out, the haunting score, and… CUT! That’s a wrap.
Welcome behind the curtain — a space where we take a breath, have a snack, and debrief.
Snacks acquired? Let’s get into it.
fly away to dreamland was inspired by the realities of growing up in an abusive and neglectful household. It takes a peek into how a child is conditioned to suppress and ultimately betray themselves for the sake of safety and survival. (AKA “shut up before CPS gets involved.” 😂)
This piece was also inspired by a different trauma piece I wrote up — and will be released shortly. Stay tuned 👀
This incredibly visceral piece came from the core of who I am. I wanted to include a mix of imagery that ranged from graphic to angelic to capture the landscape of that child caught in the emotional crossfire of needing to protect their parents for survival and loving their parents for existing.
Also, a fun fact about the author: my mother’s nickname for me was “Angel.” And I find it symbolic and humorous that it seems Lucy and I have managed to share history.
This piece shook me to my core after I wrote it, so leave a comment telling me how it made you feel.
If you want more Behind-the-Scenes footage, world-building mood boards, or just to hang out, you can find me on the socials linked below. If you’d like to stay up to date on future installments of The Post Mortem Handbook, check out my newsletter. No spam, I promise — just a letter in your inbox letting you know when the latest drop hits ✨
until next time, stay spooky friends.
cryptid out ✌️
